Just the tips | Dating with Bumble

Thank God!  Bumble is here to save lonely guys from online rejection.  No more wasting time thinking of the best pickup line just like guys have been doing in bars/parties/the grocery store since puberty.  The girls have to talk to you first! Oh how the dating tables have turned.dating animated GIF

In order to help lonely guys everywhere, here are some areas to focus on to maximize your Bumble experience.

The Profile Picturepitch perfect animated GIF

Bumble is 95% pictures and 5% everything else. You NEED a good profile picture, and I’m not talking about a picture with you and your bros bro-ing out at a BroBQ.  The speed of the app caters to headshot style pictures.  She isn’t going to spend time looking at your bio like Tinder. 

A simple picture of your face will most likely be your only chance…so hope you’re good looking!  Just kidding…kind of.  Case and point, my roommate (good looking dude) has a headshot of him and his friend, Kelly (the most attractive man I have ever laid eyes on), as his profile picture.

He gets probably 30 matches a day.  Now no offence to Harry here, but I’m betting that none of these girls took the time to figure out which of the guys in the picture was him.  But they always message him. Always.  So props!

The Initial “Hey”

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HAH! Jokes on you, entire male population.  As much as Bumble planned on turning the online dating game on its head, most girls are still uncomfortable/apathetic about crafting perfect pick up lines to woo us stallions.  90% of the time, the most you are going to get is a “Hey” (or if you are really lucky “Heyyyy”). 

Accept it.  Own it.  Or don’t? The girl of your dreams would probably make a clever remark about one of your adorable pictures right? I don’t know man, the jury’s still out for that one.  Just realize you are essentially at the same place as Tinder or Hinge in terms of wooing your match. App based dating is still a new concept and the rules are still being written. One thing is for sure, however, people already know what they don’t like when it comes to dating.

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This is what it all comes down to.  She gave you a “hey” with a few extra “y”s at the end, so you already know she is down for Taco Tuesday. There is a lot of pressure in responses on online dating, but with Bumble remember one thing: She hit you up first, man.  She totally digs you!

Well maybe she thought you were actually the other guy in your profile picture, but still.  Even though you have to come up with the conversation topic or a funny line, she at least took the time to acknowledge you right?  And honestly, that feels pretty good.  Maybe Bumble actually has figured it all out…

Started From the Gram Now We Here

“So how did you two meet?” he asked.

We smiled self-consciously, unsure of how to answer his simple question. I’ve become quite familiar with this awkward moment, but I still didn’t know how to answer.

“Social media,” I blurted out. 
He gave me a puzzled look and I tried to explain how Marissa and I technically “met” on social media over 6 months ago, but had only been dating for 3 months once we’d actually y’know met met… like in person.

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Marissa and I met on Instagram to be exact, but I don’t think Lon has an IG. In fact, Lon definitely doesn’t have an IG and he may only have the vaguest idea of what Tinder is.

We were visiting he and Doug, close family friends of mine, at their house on the cliffs of Mendocino, CA, and here I was trying to explain the logistics of dating and social media to a man born long before the internet was a thing.

The funny part is, I don’t even know how to explain dating someone you “met” on Instagram, and yet it’s what happened to me.

Come, follow me down the social-media rabbit hole of our relationship and see if you can explain it:

We connected on IG, but I first came across Marissa on Tinder. I was up in Tahoe at a friend’s quiet lake house, and we were Tindering for shits and gigs, as one does. I thought Marissa, 19 was cute so I swiped right. But before I did, I peeped her IG—which she included in her Tinder profile. I even took it a step further and decided to leave a comment on one of her photos on Instagram. It was incredibly dull, something along the lines of “swipe right when u see me – Jasper.” I know, smooth… And I went back to Tindering without giving it much thought.

Long story short she followed me, I followed back, and we went about our business occasionally liking one another’s photos for a few months without exchanging a word or a text.

Literally, we did not know each other, we had mildly piqued one another’s interest for a few brief moments on 5-inch screens, and we continued scrolling through the void…

Then, one day, I posted a selfie – one I got a good amount of grief for from coworkers and homies, but I thought it was a good photo so why not? Apparently Marissa agreed. She liked it and commented on it as well—some of the only cues we can read into on smartphones, so I took it as a good sign.

“Her,” I thought. “What’s her deal, again?…”flirting animated GIF

I didn’t know. In fact, I had no clue who she was.

I DM’ed her with the unfiltered version of the selfie I posted—Y’know, to be sure she liked the real me.

We chatted for a bit, exchanged numbers, and texted for a bit longer. This is when I got to know Marissa, or at least felt like I did. I still had never laid eyes on her, but we played a catfish-type game for a few weeks, texting and flirting, and there may have been some phone sex thrown in there too.

Then one day I found myself driving up to Sacramento to meet her.

“Nice jeans,” I said.
“Thanks,” she replied.

We’d joke beforehand about who would make the first move now that we’d taken our relationship from DMs to texting to an actual date. So I went for it.

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Fast forward 3 months and here we are in Lon’s kitchen overlooking the rolling pacific. Our first mini-vacation as a couple – a few nights camping in the tall California trees and days spent doing couple-things like going to farmer’s markets and kayaking with the seals along the coast. And we really like each other. A lot.

General studies from the last few years suggest more than one-third of US relationships start online. I assume it’s considerably more than 30%, and a significant number of those start on social media. I don’t have the exact figures on how many of those relationships begin on Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, Bumble, Happn, etc, but I would expect these numbers are higher the younger the demographic.

Marissa and I, though unique, are not uncommon. We are not the first to find each other on Instagram. In fact, it’s apparently a common occurrence amongst Celebs, Athletes, Models etc., at least according to the tabloids.

Think about it, if you have a big presence on social media (ample followers, frequent posting, multiple platforms), you’re going to attract a lot of attention. There are people who are literally Instagram famous. The attention they receive, both negative and positive, can be engaged with or not.

We’re a lot further down the food-chain of the social media masses compared to those whose IG relationships are actually considered news items. However, our story is pertinent and must ring a bell for many our age.. even if not everyone Started From The Gram like us.

 

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Anybody else have some insight?

Our Anxiety With Dating Apps

There’s no getting around the fact that how human beings interact on a romantic/sexual/emotional basis has changed remarkably in the last decade. While dating has always undoubtedly been a complex and annoyingly stressful phenomenon, now it’s becoming very differently layered. The old rules are still there, but they’re changing. Fast. And we’re all just trying to keep up.

I love technology, and dating is a thing I’ve been known to dabble in, but I honestly think I might just be way too fucking anxious for dating apps. I’m completely aware that a good majority of young people find staring at a stranger’s carefully chosen selfie to be a fun pastime and not at all anxiety-inducing, but I just can’t do it. It’s so much work. There are an insane amount of lonely (or narcissistic) people out there, and after a while they all start to run together in a witty-message-shaped-blur. It loses novelty value very fast.

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But I know that instant gratification can be a rush, too. Tinder is narcissistic validation in the palm of your hand. I have, however, used them for long enough to know that messages on dating apps inevitably fall into a few easily definable categories.

The genuine attempt at connection.

This person read your profile top to bottom sent you off something that addresses as many in-common things as possible. They are almost definitely new to the game. These are the ones I usually respond to before freaking out and app-deleting.

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The self-aware and burned out shout into the void

This person has hit the point of copy-and-paste, and whether or not they’re trying to conceal that, it’s painfully obvious. They have stared into the romantic internet void and it has stared back into them and left them like this.

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The “let’s meet up without ever talking!” message

This person doesn’t care that you (a complete stranger) might chop them up and deposit them in trash bags on the side of the highway. They do not care. They don’t know anything about you, but they do want to know if next Thursday is a good day for grabbing coffee or getting murdered or whatever.

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The boring and forgettable pick up lines.

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The horny serial killer approach

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The Point

But it wasn’t just the messages that made me anxious. It was also the discomfort brought on by a growing awareness of a weird contradiction between intimacy and personal detachment that I couldn’t shake even after seeing a 98% compatibility score. None of it felt real or meaningful in any way. It kinda felt made up, overly common, and bullshitty.  

And it’s all this effort expended for….what? To put a rush order on sexual/emotional/romantic gratification? That didn’t seem worth it. I wondered if I was alone in thinking that it was a lot of work for very little reward, so I decided to do research.

In place of conducting a legit scientific study on my too-much-effort-sucks theory, I surveyed a sample size of a whopping two guys at work how they felt about dating apps. They both agreed that while it was fun at first, it soon began to feel predictable and like a chore. It was, they admitted, a lot of effort for little reward. Relief trickled in. It was nice to know that I wasn’t completely alone in my laziness.

They didn’t 100% share my sense of existential anxiety about the detached nature of dating apps, but they did both admit that using the app didn’t feel super intimate, and neither of them indicated that they got particularly attached to anyone they connected with.

Also, I was the only one worried about serial killers.

Potential Ted Bundys aside, I can see why people using dating apps. Technology is great, and apps like Tinder serve a purpose (whatever that may be) for a lot of people my age. But I think there is an anxiety that comes from using these apps that reflects how we’re struggling to keep up with today’s ever-changing technology while still figuring out how to do the oldest thing on the planet – sleep with attractive people.

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As for me, I’ll just be over here, waiting for people to find my social anxiety endearing. Without swiping right.