How Not To Smell Like What You Just Smoked

One of my best friends in high school was a drug dealer. And not just your average suburban drug dealer that sold dime bags to freshmen at the local skate park (well of course he did that). He was the whole package: stealthy scales, baggies with purple patterns, a legitimate med card, strain variations, hiding spots, master blunt roller, the works. So I picked up a few tips just being around him.

When you finish smoking a joint or a cigarette you become oblivious to your own odor, but the problem is, everybody else can smell you. Here’s how not to smell like what you just smoked.


The best way to not smell like it is to change your shirt entirely. If you’re wearing a coat or a sweatshirt, take it off before you smoke. When your done, air out your shirt for a minute and then put back on the coat or sweatshirt.


Always have a packet of gum with you; you should have one even when you’re not smoking. What if you make out with someone and they stop because your mouth smells like a hot, sweaty barn (yeah, imagine that visual for a second). For some, it could be a huge turnoff and a failed attempt at a score.


If you’ve ever smoked a cigarette or a hit a joint, you know your fingers get coated in a funky smell. It’s horrible when your next activity is putting food in your mouth. Go in the bathroom and lather toothpaste on the fronts and backs of your fingers, just a light coat will do. Works like a charm. No, your hands will not smell minty fresh; it will neutralize the smell.

Dr. Green Thumb, more like Dr. Crest Thumb….just kidding.

Peel and Eat and Orange

The citrus is a potent smell. It’s extremely overbearing, but in a really good way. Really dig your fingers into the rind and get it all over you. Bathe in it. People love the smell of an orange and it gets the job done.

The Ultimate Cover

And lastly, if you just smoked a joint and can’t do any of the above, and you need to get rid of the weed smell. Spark up a cigarette. They will cover up just about anything, and people might even avoid you. In that case, perfect. Who wants to talk to anybody when they’re stoned?

Whatever you do,  just don’t be a burn after you burn, got it Bernie?

This guy know what the fu*k is up.

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