Schmooze

…to talk in a cozy or intimate manner to (someone), typically in order to manipulate, flatter, or impress them.

When you’re Jewish and the son of a salesman, it comes natural, the uncanny ability to casually insert yourself into conversations and dally around from one topic to the next. It’s a skill, and yes it can be learned.

Here’s a few tips to shmooze like a boss.

Engage by listening

Physically show them respect. Give a firm handshake to start out, nobody likes a limp dick wrist. Be distraction free; put your phone away, hold eye contact, nod throughout. People will spill their guts out to you if they know you’re actually paying attention to them. The less you say the better, because you might open your mouth and say something dumb or show your age.

Remember, it’s all about them

Your conversation shouldn’t be like ping pong, it should be like tee ball. Ask open ended questions. People love to talk about themselves. It’s their favorite thing to do other than talking about other people.

Be able to talk on a range of subjects

The name of the game is bullshit, but you knew that. Know a little bit about a lot. Keep up to date with major events in news, politics, sports, and entertainment. Hell even, Drake’s diss track is great conversation fodder…just kidding. If you can find a middle ground where you both admire something, explore it until it runs out.

Have the confidence to connect

Wedding Crashers might be the greatest movie about schmoozing. They’re not trying to rob or manipulate people, they just want to get into their pants using humor, charm, wit. They operate under a guise of confidence and poise knowing everybody else lacks that. Remember that most people are just as nervous and shy as you are. Joke around a bit, make them laugh, allow their guard to lower. Tell them a story, show that you’re a cool person.  Learn how to be the guy/girl that people want to work with and have a beer with. 

The exit

When the conversation has run its course, acknowledge it. But wow them by remembering their fu*kin name and continuing the relationship. “It was an absolute pleasure meeting you, Paul. I’d love to chat more. Do you have a business card I can have?” When you say their name back to them 20 minutes after you heard it for the first time, you will blow their mind. It’s an oddity if you can bring the conversation full circle and leave them remembering you.

Schmoozing is like flirting for business. Now go score, you motor-boatin’ son-of-a-bitch.

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