Build a Body That Will Make Your Ex Jealous

Were you that guy or gal that always felt like a lost child whenever some health-nut friend dragged you to the gym? Now you’ve graduated, maybe moved to a new city, and need to stand out among the hordes of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes at the local watering hole. It’s time to step into the gym, my friend. Follow the instructions below and you’ll be kicking ass and taking numbers in no time.

dad bod animated GIF


Before we dive into specifics, it is imperative that you commit to, well, commitment. One of the most common reasons for why novices do not see results is because they do not stick to the program. When your professor told you to study chapter 10, did you stop halfway through and study chapter 12? Of course not, you would see poor results on the test. The same principle applies to training.

The following program will be performed 3 days per week. You are going to focus on major movements that utilize free weights. Keep rest periods to no more than 2 minutes so as to keep your heart rate and energy levels high. Be mindful to choose weights that you can handle safely, and with good form (form videos are hyperlinked).

Monday – International Bench Press Day

Wednesday – Leg Day

  • Check out my previous article on building monster legs, here

Friday – Back

That’s week one. Feel like a beast already? For week two, add a set to every exercise (i.e. 4 x 12). The next week, add another (5 x 12). After that, you’ll raise the weight on every exercise as you see fit, returning to 3 x 12, then 4 x 12, etcetera.


Regardless of your goals, proper nutrition is key to seeing results both at the gym and in the mirror. Because every body is different, here are some general guidelines to build the best you:

  • Avoid refined sugars and junk food. This means soda, candy and anything else you may find in the snack aisle at 7/11.
  • If you are trying to build muscle, aim for 4 balanced meals a day, at least 30 grams of protein each meal.
  • If you are trying to lose weight, stick to 3 balanced meals a day, with a protein-rich snack thrown in between lunch and dinner. Skip dessert.
  • Reduce your alcohol intake. Having a beer at the end of the night won’t kill you, but excess alcohol greatly impairs your body’s ability to build muscle[1].

The final package

Ultimately, ending up with a body that you are proud of is the result of a combination of training hard, eating right, and staying focused. On the tough days, be sure to remind yourself that in order to look better naked tomorrow, you need to put in the work today.

[1] The effect of chronic alcohol ingestion on whole body and muscle protein synthesis — a stable isotope study

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