How to Have Sex But Not Get Fucked

Let’s go over all the actual important lessons that you missed in high school health class.

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55th exit you’re already home, you’re ready to bone, etc.

Congratulations on hooking up with your consensual partner(s) and making it to the homestretch. You’ve made it through the DFMO 1, the OTPHJ 2 and now it’s time to GTFO 3 and rip each other’s clothes off. Whether this is a one-night-stand or someone you’re seeing consistently, you should have a quick convo: how much have you talked about sex?  How many sexual partners have you had?  How many sexual partners has your partner had?  When was the last time you were tested for STIs 4?  Do you/your partner have a condom? Are you/your partner on birth control?

No matter how short/long/embarrassing the list of your partners may be, you are now exposing you and your partner to every person either of you have ever had sex 5 with.  Read: 100s of strains of sexually transmitted diseases  and the risk of unplanned pregnancy. Ready to get your freak on? Great! Ever been tested for gonorrhea, genital herpes, or HIV? Didn’t think so. Here’s how to have sex but not get fucked.

B is for Barrier

Barrier methods create a physical barrier between your genitalia and your partner(s):

Barrier methods can help prevent the spread of STIs and significantly decrease your likelihood for unplanned pregnancy.  These can be found in your local grocery/drugstore, picked up for free at local clinics. Check out this website that even tells you where to find free condoms in your are!  

Safe sex is great sex, you better wear a latex, cuz you don’t want that late text, that I think I’m late (or have a rash “down there”) text.  Stock up, my friends.

B is also for birth control

These are different methods that are focused on preventing unplanned pregnancies.  NONE of these protect against STIs:

Use BOTH

Use a barrier method to prevent against the spread of STIs and a birth control method to prevent against unplanned pregnancy.

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Get tested

 Sex should be amazing and sex should be safe: keep you and your partner in the know by getting tested early and getting tested often.  Blood tests or urine tests will tell you pretty much everything you need to know about your current STI-uation. Check out this website for the quick & dirty on testing for those who do the nasty. 

Get tested after every new sexual partner

These tests are cheap, can be done at free clinics or at your doctor’s office, and will save you from a world of hurt in the long term.  Alright, rabbits/humans, enjoy yourselves. Be safe.

What are your thoughts on sexual health? What lessons did your teachers/ parents never tell you?

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  1. dance floor make out

  2. over-the-pants handjob

  3. get the fu*k out

  4. sexually transmitted diseases

  5. oral sex, anal sex, genital-to-genital contact, or vaginal sex

How to Get your Medical Marijuana Card in California, Hint: It’s Really Easy

Unless you live under a very large rock, you’ve likely caught whiff of California’s lax rules surrounding medical marijuana. You might have heard your dealer rambling about his plan to move to “the promise land,” or maybe you’ve seen a green cross sticker on your California cousin’s laptop. Either way, we know you’ve heard the rumors. We’re simply here to outline the rules and tell you how you, yes you, can smoke totally legally!

What do the rules say?

While the federal government still recognizes marijuana as a schedule 1 prohibited substance (grouped in the same category as cocaine and heroin), the feds have much bigger fish to fry and let states enforce their own rules on medical marijuana. In California, medical marijuana has been legal under Prop 215 and Senate Bill 420 since 1996. As a medical patient, you can buy weed in any California dispensary, carry up to 8 ounces on your person, and smoke legally on private property. Yes you heard it; you can smoke legally if you have your medical card.

Who can get a medical card?

While medical marijuana has shown to help treat patients with serious physical illness such as cancer and glaucoma, California also recognizes marijuana’s medicinal benefits on a list of “illnesses” that almost every living person “has.” Let me just say that if you have any amount of anxiety, physical pain, trouble sleeping, high stress levels, or literally any persistent medical symptom that limits your ability to conduct major life activities (such as eating, sleeping, walking, etc.), you are eligible to smoke legally. If you can think of even one way that marijuana “helps” you live a better life, you are eligible. And no need to be picky, because California marijuana doctors certainly aren’t.tumblr_n6ceyuiMN81s15nabo1_500

How to get your card

Now for what you’ve been waiting for, how to actually get your card. Here’s what you need:

  • California State ID or Driver’s license
  • A brief excuse for why marijuana helps you
  • About $60 cash

First, let’s start with how to get the CA state ID or driver’s license. If you already have a CA state ID or drivers’ license, you can skip this step. This is the hardest part by far. You have two options here. If you choose to get a California driver’s license, you have to take the written driving test at a California DMV, prove residency, show a government issued ID (passport always works) and wait about 2 weeks for a driver’s license to show up at your door. I suggest however, that you go the easy route and apply for a CA state ID. Here’s what you need to do:

  • Visit a DMV office (make an appointment for faster service)
  • Complete application form DL 44 (An original DL 44 form must be submitted. Copies will not be accepted.)
  • Give a thumb print
  • Have your picture taken
  • Provide your SSN. It will be verified with the Social Security Administration while you are in the office.
  • Verify your birth date and legal presence (you may use your California driver license)
  • Pay the $21 application fee. There is no fee for a senior citizen ID card.

Once you’ve visited the DMV and have gotten either a California ID or drivers’ license, you are ready to visit a weed doctor! (Sometimes the DMV can take up to 3 weeks to mail your new ID, be patient!) There are hundreds of doctors in California that are licensed to recommend people for medical marijuana use, and if you are in any major California city, you’ll find it almost impossible to miss the big, green, “420 Doctor Recommendations Here!” signs sprinkled literally everywhere. Or you can always look up marijuana doctors on your favorite search engine and you will be sure to find a doctor within a short drive.

As soon as you settle on a doctor to visit, bring your California ID and a little cash with you and you are almost guaranteed to walk out of the doctor’s office with a laminated medical marijuana prescription recommendation. Just make sure to be honest about how marijuana has the ability to improve your life functions and almost no California medical doctor will deny you. Once you’ve gotten your ID, recommendation, and a little spending money, you are ready for the fun part… visiting your first marijuana dispensary! Stay tuned to The Daily Twenties to learn more about what the inside of a pot-shop actually looks like!

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It’s Way Too Easy to Get Drugs in Asia

Even though they’re super illegal, it’s no secret that it’s incredibly easy to get drugs, or things passed off as drugs, in Southeast Asia. That’s because the police presence is virtually nonexistent.

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Ask any tuktuk driver on the street for anything he will either sell it himself or take you to a friend who does. Actually, you don’t even have to ask them for drugs, they will probably just approach you themselves. Just walking down the street, I have been offered everything: MDMA, cocaine, LSD, weed, shrooms, and opium. I was literally offered opium the first night I was in Siem Reap. And I swear I don’t look like some drug lord backpacker, just a white girl roaming around. But tuktuk drivers will offer this wide array of substances to any tourist walking by.

Happy pizza is also a tourist favorite, and there are numerous stores that sell happy pizza and happy shakes in most cities. And that shit is strong. In general, weed is pretty easy to come by around these parts, but with most other drugs I would be wary. At least with weed you can tell what it is by looking at it or smelling it. The happy pizza places all sell it and their stash is pretty reliable, and some bars will sell pre-rolled joints or spliffs, as well as space cakes.

A friend of mine bought coke recently from a tuktuk driver, which, simply put, definitely was not coke. The sus-white substance we surmised was probably a random powder you can buy at the pharmacy, stuff in an appropriately sketchy looking dime bag and offered up as coke. It had no effect. Same friend was offered shrooms when we got into a tuktuk, and they gave him a test one. He said that it was just a mushroom you could probably buy at the local market.

On the other hand, I know people who have had insane nights on LSD or MDMA they bought off tuktuk drivers, and who have been whisked off into cities’ secret opium dens.

The shroom shakes in Bali on the Gili islands are a totally different story.

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Wandering around the pedestrian island my friend and I talked about splitting one; we agreed we wouldn’t seek out the shakes, but if they came to us we wouldn’t say no. We weren’t fiends.

Basically the first deli we walked into had a sign next to the register “Happy magic mushroom shake send you 2D moon.” Guess we didn’t have to look very hard.

We drank the shroom shakes around midnight, and after we decided to go to a nearby bar, watch the world cup, and wait to see what would happen. We didn’t get any visual off the shakes, which made us think we didn’t feel anything at all. It actually wasn’t until we reflected on our night the next morning that we realized how weird we had been.

After the shake, we left our other two friends with these Aussie guys we’d met earlier that day- we thought we were perfect wingmen. We created a reality for them in our heads, where they went back to the boys’ hostel and had a romantic night together; we even texted the two of them when we got back to our hostel around 5AM telling them to hit us up in the morning, We kept coming back to how excited we were that they were hooking up, and praised each other for our excellent implementation skills.

The two of us wandered around the island thinking we were being totally normal. Actually we were being incredibly weird and antisocial. I don’t think we talked to anyone but each other. We would sit in bars without drinks and talk, get up and wander on. We bought a joint from someone on the beach, but other than that our only human contact was with the security guards at a hostel that had a pool. Still, we didn’t realize this at the time, and didn’t think we felt anything because of that.

It was probably around 3:30 or 4 in the morning, when passed the hostel we had originally tried to stay at, which had a swim up bar in the pool. There was a light on near the path by the pool area, but otherwise it was completely dark. It was Ramadan, so most things were shutting around midnight or 1AM since many would wake up early to eat before the sun rose. We must’ve been some of the only people awake on the island.

We wandered up to the security guards and asked—no, begged them to let us dangle our feet in the pool. No we weren’t staying there. No we weren’t going in the pool, we just wanted to put our feet in. We promised we wouldn’t jump in. We promised to only stay five minutes. Seriously, I think we went back and forth with them for like ten minutes before we convinced them to let us in. And then we sat, kicking our feet back and forth in the warm blue pool water, looking up at the stars and chatting, for nearly an hour.

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When we got back to our hostel we sat on the couches outside our bunkroom until we were about to fall asleep. Once again, we praised each other on successfully setting up our friends. It was around this time that we realized that, as much as we “weren’t really feeling anything,” it was 5AM, and we had been super weird to pretty much everyone all night.

We awoke the next morning to find our friends, who we thought were with the Aus guys, in our bunkroom. They read our texts to us and laughed—what were we talking about? And did we really stay up until 5AM? What were we doing? This caused us to reflect on our night, and recounting what we had done made it obvious how weird we were being. We had just been in our own shroomy world, but didn’t realize it.

Do’s & Don’ts: Magical Mushroom Camping Trip

If the idea of going camping with an eighth of mushrooms has ever crossed your mind, I would like to share some tips and tricks to ensure you have an epic time. I took mushrooms for the very first time while on a camping trip in Sequoia National Park. It was a magical day, brimming with kaleidoscopic clouds, bedazzled trees, and life-changing revelations. But it was a WILD RIDE for someone who 1) has never taken mushrooms before and 2) does not go camping often. I know some things can’t be planned, especially when it comes to drug trips, but there are a few things I wish I knew before embarking on this psychedelic journey through the forest. Here’s what I learned the hard (rather, horrifyingly interesting) way.

DO pack yourself a bag for the day

Mushroom trips usually last around six hours, during which time you will be frolicking around like a little forest nymph. I’m about to get in serious mom mode here, but you have to pack sunscreen, a jacket, and water! I didn’t want to have to carry anything while tripping, but man did I regret that decision later on. It’s easier to feel chilly on mushrooms and not having a jacket really distracted me from enjoying the last bit of my trip. I also didn’t have any sunscreen with me all day so I returned to camp with a beautiful sunburn on my face and arms.

 

DON’T eat a huge meal beforehand

If anything, eat very light and vegetarian if possible. You will feel nauseous from the onset of psilocybin in your body, so having a bunch of food in your stomach won’t be very comfortable. This also impacts the drug’s effectiveness. Your trip will take much longer to kick in, which is annoying when everyone is laughing at rocks except you.

DO be cautious of your surroundings

You’re in nature, not Disneyland. Try not to be overly-cautious as that might create a negative experience, but just mindful of where you are. I ended up wandering slightly off the beaten path because I wanted to climb this big ass tree. Guess what I found next? A big ass black bear. If I hadn’t gotten so carried away and remembered that I was in a forest ridden with wild animals, I wouldn’t have been paranoid for the next hour.

DON’T try to make friends with other campers

I know you’re stoked because this is “literallaaayy the most amazing experience of my liiiiiifffeee”, but you probably look something like this:

DO bring a camera! (not professional, much buttons, so big, many expensive)

It might not capture the rainbow tie-dye swirl you saw in the trunk of a tree, but at least you’ll have something to spark that amazing memory. You’re new iPhone camera might do, just make sure you bring an extra charger so you don’t drain yours!